


The Tales of a (Former) Gifted Kid

by hwanaissance



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Autistic Tsukishima Kei, Child Abuse, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Touch-Starved, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Yearning, pushing your feelings onto fictional characters as you do, the inherent intimacy of laying on someone, this is literally just a vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:33:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27224317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwanaissance/pseuds/hwanaissance
Summary: Tsukishima Kei had always been told he was incredibly intelligent,  so why did he feel so stupid when it came to Tadashi?ornon-liner unrelated one shots about Tsukishima and Yamaguchi
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 58





	1. muse

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally just me projecting what i feel/what i want onto tsukki im sorry

Tsukishima Kei had always been told he was incredibly intelligent.

So why did he feel so stupid?

He sighed as he unlocked his and Yamaguchi's shared apartment. His professor had pulled him aside after class and said his recent essay lacked the 'spark' that his previous essays has, and Tsukishima was frustrated. He was a paleontology major, and he loved dinosaurs and fossils. He had done exactly what he always did when writing an essay, He waited until the day before it was due, set up camp at the library, and stayed there until it was finished.

So why was it different? He couldn't figure it out and it was pissing him off.

You see, Tsukishima knew he was naturally smart, and didn't try to hide it. He never had to study or put much effor into any of his classes (except for PE, thank god for asthma). This is the first time a teacher has done anything but praise him and it's thrown him off entirely.

After he left class he didn't see the stray cat he usually sees on his way home, and forgot to pick up something at the bakery that Yamaguchi likes even though he does that every time he knows Yamaguchi has a big test.

He knows that this may be a bit of an overreaction. Hell, the teacher didn't even say it was bad, he got an A, but it was still _lacking._ Tsukishima had always been able to achieve perfection with littlw to no effort, it was just natural.

He'd always had straight A's even since primary school, always being at the top of his class and ranking highest on tests. He's not trying to brag, really, that's just how it's always been. So why did something change? 

Tsukishima checked the time, still thirty minutes till Yamaguchi would be home. He sat down on the couch with a _huff_ and opened up his laptop. He pulled up his most recent essays and the three others he'd done for this class, and started to read. From the oldest one to the most recent one of course, he wasn't a monster.

He skimmed through the essays at first, but couldn't see any real difference in tone or language. So he went back to the first and actually read them.

No difference.

He shut his laptop harshly and leaned back on the couch. What had he done wrong? He flung his glasses carelessly to the side, and pressed his hands to his eyes. Sometimes not being able to see made him think better, minimizing your distractions and all that.

What exactly had he done the day before yesterday? He left the apartment at one, stopped by the small coffee shop around the corner for a black coffee (wiith lots of sugar), then made his way to the library-

His phone buzzed. There was only one person who texted him often.

* * *

**yamaguchi**

_tsukkiiiiiii_

_i think i bombed my test :(((_

* * *

Tsuksihima sighed as he looked at the messages, knowing how much Yamaguchi studied for this test there was no way he failed it, but he wouldn't listen to reason right now. Tsukishima grabbed his glasses, (that had thankfully landed on the couch) got up and walked into the kitchen. He tapped his chin with his finger, looking around their barren kitchen. When was the last time they had gone grocery shopping?

He looked in their small fridge, which just had some milk, eggs, some probably expired vegetables, and Yamaguchi's favorite ice cream. Then the cabinets, which just had ramen, protein bars, spices... hot chocolate. Perfect, Tsukishima smiled to himself.

He got out their beat up kettle and pored the last of their milk into it. He turned the stove on and then tore open the small packets, and pored it in. He started to stir, the repetitive motion almost making him zone out and-

His phone buzzed again. It was probably just Yamaguchi saying he'd be home soon, he shook his head fondly. He put the lid on the kettle and opened up their mug cabinet (yup. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi may only have three plates combined, but they had plenty of mugs.) He selected a frog patterned mug that he knows Yamaguchi got from Hinata on his eighteenth birthday, and a mug with a cartoon t-rex on it that Tadashi had gotten for him the day they moved in together.

The kettle whistled and he jolted a bit, moving back to the stove. He turned the stove off and began poring the hot chocolate into Yamaguchi's mug-

"Tsukki!" He heard before the door even opened. Tsukishima chuckled quietly. "Did you see my last text?" Tsukishima could practically hear the puppy dog eyes.

"I did not." Tsukishima said without elaboration, knowing Tadashi wouldn't be offended. Yamaguchi Groaned dramatically.

"Well it said that my test was graded and that I was scared to check and I was wond- Is that hit chocolate?" Tsukishima looked over his shoulder to see just the top of Yamaguchi's head peaking around the corner. He nodded and Yamaguchi rounded the corner with a grin that could rival a child in a candy shop. Tsukishima passed him his mug wordlessly. Yamaguchi wrapped both his hands around the mug and inhaled happily, savoring the warmth. Now that Tsukishima could see him he noticed that Yamaguchi hadn't even taken off his coat or his hat. He huffed.

"Thanks Tsukki! It smells great-" a small gasp "Is it the kind with the mini marshmallows?!" He sounded genuinely amazed and Tsukishima turned away. He pored the rest of the hot chocolate into his mug and went to go sit on the couch, not asking Yamaguchi to join him because he knew he would cone anyways.

And he was right, not even a minute passed before Yamaguchi sat right next to him, closer than need be on their couch, but neither of them minded. And so they sat, not talking, just sipping their hot chocolate and feeling warmth in the places they were touching.

Yamaguchi finished his hot chocolate with a content sigh, and Tsukishima wordlessly handed him his mug. He got up and Tsukishima immediately felt a chill. Yamaguchi stood in front of him soon enough, asking a silent question with his expression. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly but lifted up his arm nonetheless. Tadashi beamed and didn't hesitate to curl up under Tsukishima's arm. Tsukishima relaxed when Yamaguchi settled into him.

"Thanks, Tsukki." Yamaguchi said quietly. He always said _thanks_ when they had any form of physical contact, because Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima didn't necessarily like people touching him.

And Tsukishima had never told him that he had never minded Yamaguchi touching him. That he craved it, but was so scared to ask. That whenever someone else touched him his skin crawled and he wished it was Yamaguchi. That Yamaguchi has set his standards for _everything_ so impossibly high. 

So instead of saying anything he just hummed and wrapped his arm tighter around Tadashi.

Most people said they felt safe, being held. But Tsukishima loved to _hold._ He felt safe when he held Tadashi because he knew that Tadashi trusted him enough to seek him out.

Yamaguchi yawned so Tsukishima took that as the cue to lay himself down on the couch, and rearrange Tadashi on top of him. Yamaguchi didn't audibly laugh but Tsukishima felt it in his chest. Yamaguchi laid his head on Tsukishima's chest, and went completely lax. Tsukishima groaned at the added weight, but when the boy tried to move, he just tightened his arms.

Tsukishima would rather die than admit it, but he loved it when there was something with weight on him. Specifically Tadashi laying on him. He'd heard Kuroo go on about how Kenma loved to lay on him but he'd just attributed that to the fact that the boy was ridiculously cat like, and that Kuroo was well, Kuroo. 

But one day back in high school Tsukishima had been laying down on his bed with his his earphones in one momemt, and the next he felt a weight and an indescribable warmth settle over him, and his vision being obscured by Tadashi's hair.

Tsukishima must have just been staring at the boy for awhile because Yamaguchi was getting off with an embarrassed look on his face. Before he could even think about how embarrassed he would be, Tsukishima grabbed onto Yamaguchi and pulled him back down on top of him. He also pressed Yamaguchi's head into his chest so he couldn't see how red he undoubtedly was. 

And Tsukishima had named Yamaguchi laying on him one of his top five feelings ever since.

"You know if I'm heavy you can tell me to get off.." he said with a laugh, but Tsukishima could tell it wasn't a joke. Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi was a bit insecure about their friendship, more specifically the physical aspect of it. It'd taken years for Tsukishima to become comfortable with Yamaguchi touching hin at all, so he knew that sometimes the boy got insecure about how much he touched Tsukishima (Because it was a lot, especially for someone like Tsukishima).

"Yamaguchi.." nothing

"Tadashi." He tensed. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were close, but didn't call each other by their first names. That was a whole different can if worms that Tsukishima didn't need to open, especially not right now. They only called each other by their first names if they were having a serious conversation. "You know I'd say something if you did something to make me uncomfortable."

Yamaguchi just mumbled into his chest, so Tsukishima poked his side and he yelped.

"Yeah but... you never say anything to me." The " _You tell everyone else off if they breathe to close to you"_ is left unsaid.

"That's because you never make me uncomfortable, Yamaguchi." Tsukishima wasn't one for being mushy and actually saying what he feels and all that, but he couldn't bare the thought of Yamaguchi being insecure because of him. Yamaguchi has done so much for him that Tsukishima feels he pales in comparison. Tsukishima is rude, and cold, and doesn't kniw how to properly communicate his feelings, what had he done dor Yamaguchi?

"Tsukkiiiii" He whined, Tsukishima could see the tips of his ears were red "You're so sweet you'll give me a cavity" He said with a laugh, a real one this time.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please forgive me for any typos its 3am  
> also if tsukishima seems ooc its because im projecting onto him lmao


	2. touch aversion / appreciation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a forewarning that none of this is supposed to be read as sexual, but as intimate. honestly this could even be read as platonic. 
> 
> ps. sorry for any typos i wrotw this in a touch starved haze

Tsukishima didn't like to be touched. 

He didn't like the hugs his mother tried to force upon him when he was a kid, or when Akiteru tried to ruffle his hair. He couldn't put the feeling into proper words if you paid him but it felt...

Bad. Wrong. 

It gave him a pit in his stomach and made his face contort in a grimace, his body saying _get off get off get off_ but his mouth not being able to move. 

So eventually, the hugs stopped, and Akiteru's attempts to mess up his hair turned into brief, fleeting squeezes of his shoulder. 

If you asked him, Tsukishima wouldn't be able to tell you the last time he was hugged or was subjected to anything other than the briefest of physical contact. 

But as for all rules, there is an exception. 

Enter Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

When they were younger, Tsukishima tolerated the constant following with barely concealed annoyance. Only keeping him around for so long because it secretly made Tsukishima feel cool, special. 

And like a parasite, or maybe ivy, Yamaguchi Tadashi grew on him. Tsukishima no longer tolerated the boy, but enjoyed his presence. 

Yamaguchi was perceptive, too much so for Tsukishima to deal with. Yamaguchi poked and prodded (gently) until he found what he wanted, uncovered all of Tsukishima's nuances and quirks, and filed them all away in his brain. 

In short, no matter how much Tsukishima wished he could deny it, Yamaguchi Tadashi understood him, through and through. And he liked it. He liked that someone wanted to learn about him, he felt.. seen. 

Maybe this is what religious people chased after. How they feel when they bare all their sins to an alter, to their God. Made free and clean. Tsukishima confessed everything silently, with his mannerisms or his moods, but Tadashi understood. He always did. 

Just like how Tadashi had seen first hand how Tsukishima consciously went out of his way to avoid people in the halls, not out of care but because he didn't want to feel like he'd been _burned._

How he completely side stepped his own mother when it was an off day, or how he always squirmed when the team huddled around him. 

Tadashi understood his relationship with touch, but not how that related to himself. 

Since Tadashi was perceptive unlike some of the numbskulls Tsukishima hangs around on a daily basis, he didn't touch Tsukishima. Maybe a tug on his wrist if Tadashi thought he was going to try and slip away unnoticed, or a light poke in his side if someone was coming his way. 

This was another reason Tsukishima hated that Tadashi was so perceptive. 

He wanted Tadashi to touch him. 

He craved the way Tadashi's hands seared his skin with only the lightest of touches, and wondered if the reason Tadashi doesn't touch him for longer than a second is because he knew Tsukishima would boil over and melt. 

Tadashi's touch didn't burn, it _warmed._

No, Tsukishima was no romantic, but this wasn't just body heat. The way Tadashi's skin felt on his warmed his very core. Tadashi's touch was his weighted blanket after a stressful day, or strawberry shortcake after he aced a test. It was their winter movie nights when they were as far away as they could be while being on the same couch and sharing a blanket, and how he could still feel Tadashi's warmth emanating from him. 

It felt _right._

Tsukishima sighed as they walked past Yamaguchi's house, the boy in question not even glancing at it. So he picked up on Tsukishima being weird after all, not that he expected any different. 

Their walks were usually quiet if not silent, but days like this were different. This was one of those days where Tsukishima could feel a hammer pounding away at his skull behind his eyes, where he felt if he even opened his mouth the tears would spill over. He knew the proper terms were things like "migraine" and "over stimulation" but the words left a bad taste in his mouth. 

Usually Tadashi would make small talk, Tsukishima only humming in response, or maybe a short answer if it was a good day. But Tadashi didn't talk, or look at him, just walked on. And Tsukishima was so, so grateful. 

They arrived at the Tsukishima household after what felt like hours, and Tsukishima said a silent _thank god_ when he saw that all the lights were off. 

The boys stripped out of all their extra layers and hung them by the door along with their bags, and headed upstairs.

Tsukishima wasn't sure if he was just slow today or if Tadashi was fast, but by the time he stepped through his door, Tadashi had already cracked the window and turned on their joint playlist ("Your yearning playlist" Akiteru snickered when he sees it's the only public playlist on Kei's spotify) at the lowest volume. 

When Kei just stood there with that look in his eyes, Tadashi climbed into his bed, as far against the wall as he could go, and pat the bed. Tsukishima could do nothing but oblige. He climbed into his bed, and just sat, because there was a difference in what he felt he should do, and what he wanted to do (He knew Tadashi wouldn't judge him for either one).

He looked over at Tadashi when he saw a hand waving in front of his face. Tadashi looked at him with a quirked brow, and Tsukishina held up his shaky hands. Tadashi smiled as he took them in his own.

"Thank you, Tsukki. I'm guessing it's ok to touch you right now? Remember, right for yes, and left for no." As if he could ever forget, he internally scoffed. He squeezed his right hand. 

"Good, good... um, do you want me to turn the music off?" He squeezed his left hand, his hands were less shaky now. "Ok, do you... do you wanna try something new? Obviously we don't have to if you don't wanna but I thought it might help or someth-" He squeezed his right hand, and Tadashi shut his mouth with an audible _clack_.

"So, I know you don't really like when people touch you y'know but uh when I get upset, I like it when someone touches me, in some way, so I was wondering if you wanted to try that?" Tadashi was staring intently at him, and Tsukishima had to look away. If there was a God, they must have something against him because-

He squeezed his right hand.

"Oh!" Tadashi let out a breath, "Good. Just remember, if you don't like it just, just hit me or squirm or something, ok?" Tsukishima didn't even bother with giving an answer before he dropped his hands to his lap, and slowly looked back at Tadashi, waiting because they both knew he sure as hell wasn't going to initiate it. 

Tadashi blinked when their eyes met, and nodded. He slowly unfolded himself from the obscure position he'd folded himself into and, while making sure his movements were obvious, moved to sit right in front of Tsukishima's crossed legs. 

"I'm gonna move your legs, is that ok?" Tsukishima nodded, but winced when the pulsing in his head worsened. Tadashi frowned. "Ok Tsukki, just sit there and look pretty, no moving." He said as he slowly reached for where Kei's right calf was folded over his left. He grabbed his ankle in one hand and the back of his knee in the other and slowly, so, so slowly moved it to where it was stretched out right next to Tadashi's folded legs. He let go, and did the same with Kei's left leg.

"Y'know your weighted blanket, right? Don't answer, that was rhetorical! So I've been reading about it and stuff and I've seen that a lot of people who like weighted blankets also like... like people laying on them. And I don't know if you'll like it but I figured we could try?" Tadashi had already told Tsukishima not to answer, and he wouldn't know what to say anyways, so he just sat there.

Tadashi shifts, and pauses, staring. He reaches forwards slowly, and takes Tsukishima's hands off his sternum, and places them onto the bed at either side of his hips (gently, always gently).

He bends down a bit, and puts his hands close to Tsukishima's, holding himself up as he unfolds his legs. He settles onto Kei's chest, head halfway past his shoulder, and feet hanging just past Kei's. He feels around a bit before he finds Kei's hands again, and when he does, he slowly puts them on his back. Tadashi wiggles his hands under Tsukishima's waist and links his hands together under them. 

Tsukishima just sits there, his vision obscured by Tadashi's hair, and the fact that his glasses are askew but he can't find it in himself to move his hands from where they rest at the small of Tadashi's back. He can feel Tadashi breathing, against his chest and under his hands. Feels the minute twitches of Tadashi's legs against his own. 

The weight of Tadashi is indescribable, and so, so much better then his weighted blanket. Maybe he'll get rid of it, say he lost it so that this happens again, and again. 

He is warm, incredibly so. Thankfully not the sweaty gross kind, but instead the mushy, gross kind. Part of his shirt rode up with all the manhandling and he can feel Tadashi's bare skin against his and it _burns_ in the best way possible/

"T-Tsukki, you're trembling.." Yamaguchi says, and tenses like he's trying to move and there's not a chance in hell Tsukishima can have that happening. He moves his hands from where they're resting on Tadashi's back, to completely encasing his waist, holding as tight as he can with how weak he feels. 

"Don't" He manages to whisper, and all of Tadashi's tension leaves his body and with that he collapses onto Tsukishima. Maybe it should feel suffocating but it just feels like for once everything is ok and right. 

"Sorry, Tsukki." Tadashi mumbles as he rests his head on Kei's chest, and Kei can feel every exhale. He can feel Tadashi's arms tighten, like he's trying ti squeeze the trembles away and Tsukishima would laugh if he were not so... tired, and warm...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> genuine question, does anyone else get what ik saying ??? im 100% to the best of my abilities describing hownit feels when the person i love touches me, and idk if its just me
> 
> also lmao Yamaguchi is basically what i want
> 
> If u can't tell i just really want someone to lay on me
> 
> also the playlist in question is My yearning playlist, aka "slowburn childhood friends to enemies to lovers 500k words 16 chapters ongoing" by wuhluhwuh on spotify


	3. art imitates life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this really doesn't have anything to do with what ive been doing so far, or even tsukishima for that matter. but this situation is slowly killing me and the way i vent about things is by projecting onto my comfort characters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for abuse and the like  
> this 'story' (the abuse and the jobs etc) is based on my friend (and I)  
> This is a straight vent fic

Everyone that knew Yamaguchi knew his family wasn't nornal. His father had his own company, and his mother was a family therapist. They were more than well off. Yamaguchi had two older siblings, his sister a senior, and his brother in college. 

Everyone did not know, however, that Yamaguchi was being abused. Not even Yamaguchi himself.

His older siblings were never the subject of his parents abuse, and Yamaguchi always said it was because they never did anything wrong. He said he got punished because he deserved it. 

What child deserved to be hit?

Between his mother, the manipulative bitch that turned a blind eye to his fathers abuse, and his physically, mentally abusiva father, Kei wasn't sure how Yamaguchi did it, how he was still so Happy. 

Kei knew if he were in Yamaguchi's situation he wouldn't have made it this far, but he didn't like to think about it. 

It was the first day of sophomore year, and Kei was scared. Scared to see Yamaguchi after the boy had confided in him about what happened when..

Well it went like this:

Yamaguchi's parents were at the very least, the overbearing-no privacy type. So of course Tsukishima had told Yamaguchi to do what he did and make a private spam instagram account, so he could rant or talk with his friends without fear of all of his messages being read. 

It worked, and went great for months. Until a what would be average day in May, when Yamaguchi's mother had taken his phone before he had the chance to log out of his secret account and back into the one his parents moderated. 

She read his posts, his messages, all of it. She found out he was bisexual, too (thoufh she already technically knew, seeing as in eighth grade she grounded Yamaguchi because she suspected him of being gay). 

She called her husband up, and that's when things got worse. She didn't even tell him that Yamaguchi liked boys, just said he had a secret instagram account. And he still beat him, and tried to hit him over the head with a guitar.

"You're going to switch schools next year, and no more volleyball. You're not getting your license and you're damn well not getting a car. And you're gone as soon as you turn eighteen." Was the jyst of what his father fold him Before he left he also told him to make sure his room was spotless or else he'd be beat, again. 

Yamaguchi was terrified. Being 'punished' in his house was a common occurance, but this was a new level. He'd never almost had a guitar thrown at his head, or been told he'd be kicked out. So he did what he always did when he was scared, and talked to Tsukki. 

His parents had taken his phone, but he still had his chromebook. He made a google doc, titled it "Lit Essay", and shared it with Tsukki. 

Tsukki opened it immediately, a little confused. When he opened it, it was blank, but he saw that Yamaguchi was active. Then Yamaguchi started to type. And type, and type. 

When Yamaguchi got done with his initial message, Tsukishima was rooted to the spot he had originally opened the doc in, feeling that if he moved even an inch he would do something rash, like try to kidnap Yamaguchi. 

Since Yamaguchi's mother had more of a reputation to uphold, she somehow convinced his father to keep him in volleyball, and at the same school, and get a license and a car. But don't be fooled, this wasn't for Yamaguchi. This was so people wouldn't look at her kid, and see something was up. She didn't care what happened behind closed doors as long as it looked perfectly normal to everyone else. 

They messaged back and forth constantly, every day. 

Until Yamaguchi got more paranoid about his parents checking what he was doing, because they took his door off. With that came a steady decline in the flow of messages, until there were none. Tsukishima still wrote, every day, hoping that he'd do what he always did and one day he'd open it and see a "hey, sorry i was busy" waiting for him. 

No such luck. But the doc hadn't been deleted, so he had hope that it wasn't found by Yamaguchi's parents. 

And now, an excruciating four months later, he would see Yamaguchi in person for the first time in what felt like forever. Logically he knew Yamaguchi couldn't have changed a ridiculous amount in four months, but they had also never gone that long without seeing each other, at least on a call. 

Kei sighed as he looked up at the gates surrounding his school, not even realizing he had arrived until he almost walked right into a pole. 

Well, here goes nothing

_______________________

It was late summer when Tsukishima broke down during a driving lesson with his mom and told her most of it (It broke his mom's heart, she see Tadashi as a second son).

It's two full months into the school year before Tsukishima breaks and tells Takeda. That leading to him skipping morning practice one Monday morning, to go to the counselor's office (since he told Takeda, a teacher, either he had to report it personally or Takeda had to, according to the law. Tsukishima was almost glad, because he couldn't make excuses anymore).

He and Yamaguchi didn't have the same counselor because of where their names fell in the alphabet, so Tsukishima told his counselor. Not even halfway into his story, his counselor had brought in Yamaguchi's counselor, as well as the third counselor. Soon after he finished, he was asked to leave the room. 

Tsukishima couldn't hear much. but he heard stuff along the lines of " _—this shit is insane—"_ , he had never heard a counselor swear before, "— _his mother is a therapist! for kids!!—"_ and stuff of the like. It was in actuality only maybe twenty minutes that he had to sit outside, but he could've sworn it was an eternity. 

When he was asked back in, he was told that this was above the counselors, as it had been reported before. So that left it up to him to actually report it. To CPS. 

A mere five minutes later Tsukishima found himself on the steps of his school, shivering in the fall air. He did some of the breathing exercises Tadashi taught him before he even dialed the number. 

Name, address, age, parents names, siblings names, physical condition, relation to victim, and a slew of similar questions were thrown at Tsukishima, and he was hit with the reminder that the person he was currently on the phone with did stuff like this everyday. It kinda made him sick. 

When he mentioned that he for certain knew physical abuse had been occuring for at least four years he was hit with the question he dreaded most 

"Why didn't you report sooner?"

_Why didn't you report sooner_

The answer he gave was that he wanted to wait until Tadashi was sixteen, so he could get emancipated and have more rights in court. 

But really, it was because Tsukishima was a coward. It was because he knew Tadashi loved his family and thought they loved him in turn, and would be devastated if he had to live with anyone else. Tsukishima was the only one who knew the extent of the abuse, so as soon as they contacted Tadashi, he would know that Tsukishima had reported it. 

Tadashi would hate him.

But Tsukishima wanted Tadashi safe and happy, even if it meant he hated Tsukishima, so well, so be it.

_______________________

Sugawara called Tsukishima over one day as practice ended.

He only said two words, but they were enough for him to be thankful Suga waited until after practice to tell him.

"Tadashi knows" Is all he said before he walked off. And though Tsukishima knew this would happen, after all Yamaguchi isn't stupid, he still wasn't prepared. 

Sure, it's not like they talk, but there's a difference betweeh not talking to someone because you're scared and not talking to someone because you're mad at them. 

_It would all be worth it in the end_ , he told himself.

It would all work out, right?

It had been two months.

Two months and Tsukishima called for an update every week, like clock work. 

Two months before he got Tadashi's social workers number. 

Two months before he called for his regular update and was informed an official investigation would open, on grounds of physical abuse from the father, and the mother just letting it happen. 

Tsukishima was never religious, but he prayed, and he prayed, and he _prayed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i did actually report to cps, do you think i did the right thing? it's been over 2 months and they only just officially opened an investigation. 
> 
> ps sorry for any typos its finals week + my hands r kinda shaking writjng this


	4. u got me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have covid and got an extended winter break so have this
> 
> cw for sensory overload
> 
> also this is based on my experiences, both in being overstimulated as well as my school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me for any typos, its 4am and ill check this when i wake up

Tsukishima is staring at his clock, waiting for it to magically change, or for him to suddenly wake up and this all be a dream. 

He blinks, and the clock still reads _5:23am._ He sighs.

Tsukishima won't lie and say he didn't expect this to happen, but it's unpleasant nonetheless. Whenever the upcoming day holds an event that Tsukishima's brain deems big or important, it doesn't let him sleep a wink. He couldn't give you a logical reason for this, only that it started sometime during his sophomore year and it affects him differently than pulling an all nighter of his free will. 

It was the last day of winter break, and he turned off the documentary he'd been absently listening to as he scrolled through his phone at midnight, turned on his Yamaguchi's sleep playlist and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to take him. 

Sleep did not in fact take him, no matter how much he tossed and turned and sighed in all the five and a half hours he's tried to sleep. 

He accepts that it's one of Those Nights and opens his phone with a sigh. He doesn't expect any new notifications because everyone he knows presumably actually fell asleep at a reasonable time last night, and definitely aren't up this early yet. He almost wishes that they were scheduled to have before school practice today, but alas. 

He drags himself out of bed and downstairs, not feeling hungry but knowing sustenance will make him feel more... like himself. Tsukishima scans the pantry, honey bunches of oats for today. 

He pours milk into his bowl and plops down in one of the barstools lined up in front of their kitchen island. He takes his time eating and scrolls through his phone as well, he's got nowhere to be. 

"Kei, you're up early," His mother comments, not seeming as surprised as her statement would leave you to believe. "Long night?" His mother asks, though she knows the answer. he doesn't respond other than a noncommittal hum. 

"Make sure to pack ibuprofen in case you get a headache." He hums again, knowing there's already some in his bag. He finishes his cereal, rinses his bowl and puts it in the sink. His mother pats his arm as he trudges upstairs. 

Truth is, Tsukishima doesn't feel lethargic or _bad_ when a sleepless night occurs, in fact he feels more energetic, as close to bubbly as someone like him could get. But he knows there is an inevitable crash later, whether it be in the form of a skull splitting headache, or him passing out as soon as he gets home. His life would be a lot easier if he could tell which would occur, but it seemed someone upstairs had a grudge against him. 

He is slipping his uniform jacket on when Yamaguchi sends his frankly unnecessary _im here_ text. He sends it every week day morning, like Tsukishima can't hear him chatting with his mother from his room. 

He grabs his bag, and walks downstairs. 

You'd think seeing the same scene almost every morning would get old, or at least feel _normal_ , however nothing is normal when it comes to how he feels regarding Yamaguchi and he has long since come to terms with that. 

Yamaguchi sitting casually with Tsukishima's mother at his dining table while she tries to force some breakfast down his throat is a scene Tsukishima has grown particularly fond of, though he would rather die than admit it. 

"Yamaguchi," He says, the _are you ready to go?_ is unspoken. Yamaguchi nods anyways. They bid farewell to Tsukishima's mother, and are on their way. 

"How was your break, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi asks, smiling. "I saw Akiteru. Mom, Aki-nii and I all went to see the new Wonder Woman movie. It sucked-" They continue on like that until they reach the school. 

First hour is volleball, though today the team just uses this time to catch up and flex what they got for the holidays. Tsukishima does not feel a headache coming on, so he takes that as a good sign. He does not seclude himself and Yamaguchi to a corner, though he wants to. Because he knows Yamaguchi would go with him without complaint, though it's obvious he wants to talk to everyone else. Tsukishima leads them to where the third years are standing, and when Suga starts a conversation with them that Yamaguchi gladly takes over, Tsukishima allows himself to zone out. 

It's not until the bell that signals the end of first period rings that he really comes back to himself. He just now notices that Yamaguchi is tugging him out of the gym to the hall, and then to Tsukishima's second hour even though Yamaguchi's is in the opposite direction. 

It's Literature, and when Tadashi leaves Tsukishima is suddenly glad they never do anything big in class after just getting back from a break. The Yamaguchi induced safety bubble pops and Tsukishima is suddenly feeling very confident it's a tiny lumberjack hacking at his skull with an axe type of day.

He can't even bring himself to indulge in his usual past time of grabbing a random book from his teacher's bookshelf to keep himself entertained. 

Third hour is debate, and Tsukashima thanks whoever is listening that they have a sub today. Their debate teachee was a good woman, but damn did she love interrogating them whenever they come back from break. 

Since it's an elective, there's not any work left behind for the sub, and Tsukishima's suddenly glad all the people in debate seem to be intimidated by him. No one even looks his way when he fold his arms on the table and buries his face into them. 

Lunch is an ordeal. He sits alone, and usually outside, but it is absolutely frigid today and not even Tsukishima's disdain for a room packed to the brim with rowdy teenagers can make him brave the icy wind. He sees Hinata and Kageyama and damn near hightails it to the other side of the cafeteria. He doesn't need that, not today. 

He looks down at his lunch and sighs. If he eats, it will taste like mush. If he doesn't, his head will pound all the more in retribution. His face scrunches in disdain when a group of boys a few tables over break into a particularly boisterous bout of laughter. 

Just four more hours, and then optional practice that's not really optional because he told Yamaguchi he would go. 

He can make it. 

Tsukishima is starting to believe that he cannot, in fact, make it. Fourth hour had been bearable despite the idiot duo being present. Fifth hour had been another hour of trying to take a nap on his desk and failing. 

He's in science, the only class hw shares with all the volleyball first years, including Yamaguchi. It's both a blessing and a curse, but thankfully Yamaguchi and Yachi usually keep thing one and thing two in check before Tsukishima snaps at them. 

Today however, Tsukishima doesn't think he has the mental power to berate them, or even speak to them, even if he really wanted to. 

Had the lights always been this bright in this class?

He squints and almost hisses when he accidentally looks up from the desk he shares with Yamaguchi. Hinata, Kageyama and Yachi both seem to notice his pinches expression but he doesn't take note before he presses his face into his crossed arms. He exhales, only seeing vague shapes insteas of blinding lights and bringht hair. However, his skull still seems to be trying to split apart at how goddamn _loud_ it is. 

The assignment today was only a few questions about what they did over break, so naturally chaos ensued soon after everyone finished. Hinata and Kageyama had been arguing, and he's so used to it it should be white noise but it is absolutely grating today. He can hear Yachi fidgeting with her pencil and writing. He can hear Yamaguchi tapping his foot incessantly. Hell, he can hear the kid in the back corner that he got in an argument about balancing chemical equations with _breathing_.

Tsukishima would usually just grab his phone and his headphones and try to tune everything else out but he is almost certain when he says he would die if he moved at all from how he is currently positioned. 

"..ki? Tsukki?" He hears, somehow distant yet so jarring. He presses his face further into his arms. He hears some shuffling then a zipper and he tenses. Everything is so _loud._ He feels something covering his ears and then everything is muffled. Yamaguchi's sleep playlist starts playing through his headphones at a low volume and Tsukishima is sure he visibly deflates as some of the tension leaves him. 

It helps, it is blessedly quiet, even with the music, but it does not get better. There is still a jackhammer pounding against his forehead and he wants nothing more than for everyone to shut up or ro nust disappear-

He feels a hand under his arm, urging him up and he's confused but so _tired._

And he knows it's Yamaguchi, so he knows it will be fine. 

His eyes stay closed and his headphones stay on as they walk through the halls to wherever Yamaguchi is taking him. Yamaguchi leads him by his hand and sets a leisurely pace. 

When Yamaguchi lets go of his hand with a squeeze, he cautiously opens his eyes, keeping them as closed as he physically can. When he sees that the only light is coming from the cracked door leading back into the hallway, he allows his eyes to fully open. 

Yamaguchi pauses the music, and he is glad because music is better than a lot of loud noise, but silence is really what hw needs right now. They stand there for a few seconds before Tadashi beckons him behind a curtain. When he sees a bed, he realizes he's in the nurse's office. 

Tsukishima sits down on the bed and looks at Yamaguchi, waiting. When he doesn't seem to get the hint Tsukishima pats the bed, and he obligingly sits down. 

They sit there, not quite touching but close. It's been a few minutes when Tsukishima feels his headphones being taken off and he inhales. Yamaguchi lays his headphones down on the little desk next to the bed, along with their bags. He returns to the exact position he was in before he got up. 

It is surprisingly Tsukishima that moves first. He looks at Yamaguchi pointedly, then slowly starts to lay down until his legs are scrunched up so they don't hang off the bed and his head on Tadashi's lap, nose poking his stomach when he inhales. 

Tadashi starts lightly threading his fingers through his short hair without further prompting. 

Needless to say they miss seventh hour, and practice. 

(There's nothing that puts Tsukishima to sleep faster than having his hair played with ~~by Tadashi~~ )


	5. is it a sin, to love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for my Yamaguchi Tadashi

_Am i allowed, to look at him like that?_

Tsukishima grew up in the church. His family had always attended a non-denominational church, but he'd heard what they said about boys who liked other boys. 

It wasn't preached, nor talked about. It was ignored except for the aunties whispers of _Kei, dear, when is your brother coming back?_ And harsher words passed off as worry. 

_Could it be wrong, when he's just so nice to look at?_

Tsukishima Kei meets Yamaguchi Tadashi during sixth grade, at a Wednesday night service. 

Tsukishima Kei learns what a _gay_ person is in sixth grade, from his father while they're in his garage. 

Tsukishima Kei starts to realize that though he doesn't look at boys much, he definitely doesn't look at girls, at all.

Tsukishima Kei comes out to Yamaguchi Tadashi that same year, and Yamaguchi Tadashi comes out to him in turn. 

_He smells like home and sleep_

It's in seventh grade, when Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are at a classmates birthday party. They're teenagers now, so they have to play cool party games like spin the bottle, and truth or dare. 

Both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi opt out of spin the bottle, but it seems it was all for naught when one of their classmates says, _Yamaguchi, truth or dare?_

 _Dare,_ Yamaguchi says with minor trepidation. 

_I dare you to kiss Tsukishima!_ She crows, and Yamaguchi flounders. Tsukishima levels the girl with a glare, and he can tell she's about to nervously laugh it off as a joke when Yamaguchi turns to him, and says _Are.. Are you okay with that, Tsukki?_

Tsukishima blinks, and he must've nodded because _something_ flits across Yamaguchi's face before he closes his eyes and scrunches his nose, and leans in. Tsukishima hasn't even registered what happened till he realizes his eyes are closed and the brudge of his nose is pulsing lightly from where Yamaguchi must have bumped his glasses. 

Tsukishima blinks again, and suddenly the party is back in full swing. No one, not even Yamaguchi is paying close attention to him anymore.

He swallows, and life goes on.

_He tastes like ferrero rochers and dreams_

_'I like you'_

Tsukishima takes his glasses off, and puts them back on again. 

_'I like you'_

He reads the message once, twice, five times.

 _'I like you_ '

Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima liked him, so he wouldn't joke about this, right?

' _I like you_ ' 

Did he?

' _Will you be my boyfriend?_ '

He did. 

_To him?_

Nothing was different, except that they told other people they were dating. 

It was nice.

Because Tsukishima didn't like change., but he liked Yamaguchi. 

Until it wasn't. 

Their first fight came in tow with their first training camp. 

They woke up on the last morning, and something was just... off. 

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi's mats were next to each other, but the idiots were right across from them. 

Tsukishima woke up to the click of a camera and a cackling Hinata. He blinked blearily.

"Oi, Hinata, did you take a picture of me?" He asked as he searched for his glasses (they were on Yamaguchi's pillow)

Hinata only cackled in response, Kageyama snickering as they hunched over Hinata's phone. Tsukishima felt a pit begin to form in his stomach and sucked in a deep breath, _so this is how it's gonna be._

"Idiot, delete the picture." He scowled as he stumbled to his feet, limbs still heavy with sleep and thrumming with anxious energy.

"No!" Hinata giggled and ran off like it was a _game,_ and it wasn't. Not to Tsukishima, not today. 

Though Tsukishima usually abstained from getting even remotely involved in the other first year's shenanigans, he had to delete that picture.

"Didn't your mother teach you that it's rude to take someone's picture without asking them?" Tsukishima said as he stalked after them, trying to maintain his annoyed facade so they didn't see his hands shaking. 

Hinata only walked faster in response. They were only going in circles around the room, though everytime Tsukishima tried to turn around so they'd run into him, or cut through the center of the room, they just changed course. 

Soon enough Tsukishima's head was pulsating and the idiot duo just kept walking and laughing, occasionally looking back at him to stick their tongues out. If they were any less stupid, they might've figured out that this wasn't a game, at least to Tsukishima.

"Just fucking delete it you-" Tsukishima started, almost shocked at how loud his own voice sounded, when Yamaguchi came into the room. Yamaguchi looked visibly upset but Tsukishima didn't have the mind to worry about someone else. 

"Would you stop being so dramatic!" Yamaguchi shouted, stopping Tsukishima and the duo in their tracks. Hinata and Kageyama started laughing after a few seconds, but

Yamaguchi had yelled

Yamaguchi had yelled at _him_

He must've annoyed Yamaguchi. It was just a stupid picture, why'd he have to get so worked up over it, this always happens-

Tsukishima shut down. _Yamaguchi must be mad at me_ playing on loop in his head as he silently finished packing up his things, and followed him to the parking lot. 

"Tsukki!" Bokuto and Kuroo yelled out when he was putting his stuff in the bus, but he barely even heard them, too busy hearing, _Yamaguchi's mad at me, Yamaguchi's mad at me, Yamaguchi's mad-_

"Tsukki... You ok?" Kuroo asked, and Tsukishima only heard him because he was standing not even a foot away. 

He didn't respond, physically couldn't. The words were trapped in his throat, and would remain there until he exited the bus hours later. 

They broke up that day.

_I taste of nothing at all_

It's been a year and some months since Tsukishima and Yamaguchi's fallout.

They tried talking again after Yamaguchi approached him at their school dance (Tsukishima had cried in the hall as Yachi fretted over him)

But it wasn't the same, and as quick as it had started, it ended. 

It was the end of the next school year, a whole seven months since they'd talked at all, when Tsukishima spoke about what he _wanted_ with Yamaguchi, in the past tense. 

It was a whole seven months since they'd talked, when Tsukishima didn't feel _something_ whenever they made accidental eye contact across the gym. 

It was a whole seven months since they'd talked, when Yamaguchi got a girlfriend, and Tsukishima didn't mind.

It was a whole seven months since they'd talked, when Tsukishima accepted that Yamaguchi Tadashi wanted nothing to do with him anymore. 

_And oh, it aches_   
_But it feels oddly good to hurt_

It was a whole seven months since they'd talked, when Tsukishima could say with confidence, that he was finally, really, over Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who fell out of love?  
> happy valentines day


End file.
